Be THANKFUL

This holiday season, I am filled with love! God is good! Be THANKFUL for what is in front of you. If you asked me 2 years ago if I thought I would be where I am today, I was misguided, I was so discouraged with life. I thought God was punishing me for my sins but he has truly blessed me and taught me what matters is not what I've done but how I learned from my mistakes and how to change for the better. 

For 7 years, He has given me my husband, who has put up with so much from me and loved me even at my worst, who is an amazing provider and who helps make my dreams a reality. He has blessed me with my son, whom we prayed and struggled for, who made me truly understand unconditional love and patience and believe that miracles happen every day!

2 of my very dear friends are battling this struggle of becoming a mother daily and I pray for them every single day to be able to one day feel the love a child brings. I pray God gives them the strength to know that he has a plan in place. He is working on the perfect child and whether it's given to them through conception, artificially, adoption, He has a plan!

1 of my friends is contemplating even having a child naturally because of a medical condition with her and her husband. Adoption is an option however I would still recommend doing tests and figuring out all of your options and percentages of anything being passed on.

I pray for all the helpless children who don't have a loving foundation, ones who are helpless and neglected. I can't imagine how a person who has a child can not feel the love and joy they are. Parents who are not fit to be who should not conceive have babies left and right and punish them for breathing.....I pray for you because come judgement day, you will have God to answer to.

I pray for the children who are bullied, who have nobody to confide in. Who are afraid of walking out the door, in fear of what people will say that day. For the ones who are suicidal because mean and hurtful things people say to them.

I pray for the evildoers. In a perfect world, we wouldn't have bad things happen but we do, we have it every day, all around us. It is how we deal with it that matters and we all answer to ONE GOD!

I can pray, I can understand things or I can't understand, I can't change things out of my control, but what I can do is be thankful! I am thankful for life, the one that was given to me and for the guidance to get me where I am today. I could have been one of those children who was abused, neglected, bullied....but I'm not. I am perfectly happy with the life chosen for me and I will appreciate every waking moment I have with the ones who mean the most.

Baby Dedication

It's exciting whenever a new child enters a family. There's no greater moment when parents sense that children are a gift from God. In these joyful moments, pastors have the privilege of sharing how parents can express their full appreciation to God through baby dedication. That is what we did on Aug 2, 2015!

Dedicating a child acknowledges God's sovereignty not only over the child, but also Mom and Dad. Parents present their child before God and His people asking for grace and wisdom in carrying out their responsibilities. Parents also come praying that their child might one day trust Jesus Christ as Savior for the forgiveness of sin.

  

The Child continued to grow and become strong, increasing in wisdom; and the grace of God was upon Him. Luke 2:40

What is OUR dedication to Gavin?

We promise to raise you to in a Christian home, letting you understand the meaning of Jesus! We promise to let you decide the religion path of your decision and not force our own beliefs on you but we hope you make a wise decision to let our Lord and Savior guide you through life! We will cherish EVERY waking moment God gave us with you as you are already a blessing from up above that we prayed and prayed for. We promise to forgive you when you do wrong and praise you when you do right! We will ALWAYS offer our guidance and support to you as you are our pride and joy, our world, our reason for being! 

We love you to infinity and beyond, Gavin Wayne!

Luke 2:40

Verse Concepts

The Child continued to grow and become strong, increasing in wisdom; and the grace of God was upon Him.
- See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Baby-dedication#sthash.NIxazLJu.dpuf

The Child continued to grow and become strong, increasing in wisdom; and the grace of God was upon Him. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Baby-dedication#sthash.NIxazLJu.dpuf

The Child continued to grow and become strong, increasing in wisdom; and the grace of God was upon Him. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Baby-dedication#sthash.NIxazLJu.dpuf

The Child continued to grow and become strong, increasing in wisdom; and the grace of God was upon Him. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Baby-dedication#sthash.NIxazLJu.dpuf

Luke 2:40

Verse Concepts

The Child continued to grow and become strong, increasing in wisdom; and the grace of God was upon Him.
- See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Baby-dedication#sthash.NIxazLJu.dpuf

A letter to my sweet Baby Boy

Dear Gavin,

You're just shy of 3 1/2 months and I wanted to share with you how absolutely amazing it is to have you in mommy and daddy's lives. You have brought so much joy to us and we cannot wait to see you grow up to be a polite, well mannered, talented gentlemen!! That is our goal, at least. We want you to get the best traits of both of us; your daddy's smile and sense of humor, your mommy's craftiness and social skills... But we also want you to have your own traits that people will love! You are your own person, your own individual canvas and whatever you paint, we will view and admire forever!!! Whether you are bright, colorful like a rainbow, or dark and introverted, that's okay too, we will love you for you.

When you grow up and read this, you will understand the love and appreciation we have for you as it wasn't easy to make you!! It wasn't without struggles that we desired a sweet little baby such as yourself! We tried and tried and went to doctors and took expensive medicines and finally we said enough was enough, we were leaving it in God's hands.  Two months later, we got the amazing news that mommy was pregnant.

When mommy was a little girl, she had two older brothers who helped her grow and she looked up to them. They are your uncle Sean and uncle Steven. Your mommy was also around a bunch of other babies and kids as your Nana was a babysitter for the neighborhood kids. When your daddy grew up, he had a younger brother. That's uncle Jonathan.

Mommy and daddy want you to eventually have a brother and/or a sister too. Growing up with someone is something you will treasure as you learn and grow together. You may fight and bicker as you'll always be the older one and it will come to a time when hanging with your little sibling isn't cool, then you'll look back and realize how silly that is and you'll know that every moment with your family is precious!! As a big brother, you'll see that you are a role model, someone your brother/sister will look up to and try to copy you. Imitation is the best form of flattery! There will ALWAYS be negativity though, it's how you handle it that matters.

There's a lot of hatred in this world, a lot of cruel and mean people...people are fighting and hurting each other, breaking the laws, judging and bullying people and as parents, we don't agree with that. We want you to understand right from wrong. We want you to treat people how you would want to be treated. Always turn the other way in a negative situation, who cares if it makes you appear to look like a coward to them, to us you look like the hero! There will be times when you will ask yourself if you should walk away or try harder...that will be something you have to decide for yourself. Always be a positive influence to others. Make the world a better place. Mommy and daddy will not always be around and it's up to you to help fix and transform this new generation.

We will do our best as parents to raise you to be the best person morally, we understand we will fail at things, we will not be perfect but nobody is. We will make mistakes, life doesn't come with instructions. You didn't come with instructions. We only want what is best for you. There will be times when you will have time out, be grounded or have privileges taken away but know that we do that to teach you a lesson and we aren't doing it to be mean, no matter how mad you are at us!

It's so hard to see you misbehaving in the future as I sit here writing this, looking at you in your monkey bouncer, unable to talk or walk and comprehend a lot of things in life.  To me, your my perfect little angel. There WILL come a day that I will be frustrated, unhappy, and/or disappointed. It's inevitable.It doesn't mean I will love you any less, if we don't do anything as parents to discipline, it means we don't care...and trust me, we care more than you will ever know!

Please just remember this one thing if nothing else; 

We will love you will all our hearts no matter what life choices you make! 

ALWAYS! 

WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH SON,

LOVE MOMMY & DADDY

XOXO

Selfies!

Okay, so who takes selfies? Almost everyone, right? Someone out there is making millions and came out with 'selfie sticks', a stick to hold your phone out farther so you can take a picture of yourself as a whole or a bigger group to fit in the screen. I'll admit. I'm a fan! I want a selfie stick!!!

Now, being in the cosmetology industry, I think it is important for hairstylist to stay updated on their selfies...does that mean we should post one every day? NO! But I do agree that we need to stay up to par on our image and let people know that if we feel confident and beautiful, we can then make them feel confident and beautiful. If we look like crap all the time, nobody is going to have faith that we can make them feel like a million bucks!!

They say this is a selfish century because social media has made us conceited but isn't that why we get our hair done, nails done, worry about fashion and celebrities? We did it before social media became popular so to say its just now showing because of social media is silly because it's just merely amplified and at our fingertips. You know grandma was snapping Polaroid "portraits" or "glamor shots" back in the day! 😄

Some people hate selfies. They hate how people are always posting more than one pose as if we don't know what they look like.They are not posting because they think you forgot what they look like, they are posting them because they feel a certain way about themselves. They feel confident. Sexy. They like the affirmation of people 'liking' or commenting on their photos. It is in our human nature to want to be liked. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Etc. All these social media sites help us achieve that where as back in the day, these were not available and you were lucky if you got your picture in the black and white newspaper.

Should married people not post selfies because they are already married? I don't think they should be excluded. We need to feel beautiful too and my husband can tell me till I'm blue in the face how beautiful I am to him, however I still like to hear it from other people because in the end, we will ALWAYS care about what others think, whether you think you do or not. Nobody likes to hear that someone thinks they are UGLY!! Unfortunately, it's the world we live in today.

Maybe you just got a fresh new haircut. Or color. Maybe your makeup was on point more so than your profile picture...if you feel like updating that profile picture, you go on and do it because in the end, it is YOUR page, YOUR profile and don't worry about them haters because more than likely they are just jealous.

Us women only dress up and do our hair and makeup for other women, it's not for the men....they could care less if we have a brown paper bag on, no makeup and a ponytail. Shoot, some guys actually prefer that over 10 gallons of foundation and lipstick they have to cuddle with and get all over their clothes and their own faces. Nothing like sharing a drink or giving a smooch and that lipstick is all over the straw and your man/woman's lips!!

Feel beautiful, take a selfie and share away! If people don't like it, they can scroll on or delete themselves. We are all beautiful in our own ways and we need to have individualism or we would be boring and the world would be mediocre.

(T-Rex needed a selfie stick, don't we all? LOL)

My most recent Selfie! <3

Gavin is 2 Months!

Where has the time gone?! I feel like life is flashing by in the blink of an eye! Last Monday, 5/18/15, Gavin turned 2 months young! We had his 2 month check up and I was so nervous. He was getting his vaccinations.

 Daddy had to work at his new job with AT&T and couldn't request the time off yet so Mommy and Nana went to his check up appointment (I was still recovering from my gallbladder issues and couldn't lift him in the car seat, my mother truly is a blessing to be able to help) . They checked his vitals, 11 lbs. 12.5 oz. and 23" long. He is in the 45th percentile for weight and the 50th percentile for length. That could change as he grows but he sure is in a growing spurt. He still has his piercing blue eyes with no indication they are turning any other color but the pediatrician said they could change up to a year of life....yeah right.

The pediatrician came in and checked all his movement abilities, hearing, vision, and everything else they check for in a newborn to make sure he is progressing as he should. She notified me that we are doing a great job with him thus far. She did say we needed to start training him for his sleeping patterns and to give him more tummy time on the floor so he can strengthen his neck muscles. That's a bit hard to do when someone is ALWAYS holding him...haha.

We talked about the idea of him self soothing himself, letting himself cry it out a little now that he is getting older, some people don't agree with this as they feel it makes the baby feel neglected but a baby this small doesn't know if they are manipulating their parents into holding them or spoiling them....I could see that in an older baby but not at 2 months. He is to lay in his crib or our choosing and if he cries, we have to try to let him see if he can soothe himself. After about 5-10 minutes, we can go and comfort him by placing our hand on his chest and talking quietly to him to let him know we are there but if that doesn't work, we can then pick him up and try to calm him down to try again. A baby 2 months old cries because something is wrong, they are hungry, in pain, needing burped or needing to pass gas...whatever it may be, they do not just cry for no reason until they get older and understand that they get a reward for it, at least in my opinion (as well as my  mother's).

The pediatrician explained that we should set goals, particularly about his feeding situation, meaning how long we plan to breastfeed or feed him breast milk, starting to move him to the crib within the next month or two, and give him more tummy time. I guess you can say it's kinda like parent homework. I like that the office does that for us though because it gives us a good idea of what to look for when he starts progressing in age and where he should be. They aren't pushy about it either, they know each parent will have to do what is best for them and their child. I said I would like to have Gavin eating breast milk for at least 6 months but ultimately I was shooting for a year, now that he won't latch from me and I do not produce as much milk, I will take what I can get since breast milk is the most beneficial to him for nutrients. I would like to have him in the crib by himself by 4 months possibly sooner and I said I would work on 15-20 minutes of tummy time a day to help build up his neck muscles. Now that I am back to work, I have told my mom my goals and since she babysits for me, she knows what I would like to happen. If things change and I cannot live up to these goals, that's just life. I will know that I am not failing as a parent, just know that I am doing my best and whats best for our lifestyle.

At the end of the appointment they brought in the shots. I was scared for him, I knew he would cry. I was afraid I would cry...I just held his hand and his head and comforted him. I didn't look at the needle going into his little chubby legs, 2 shots on the right and one on the left....a good 10 minutes of crying and mommy was there to console him. They said his legs could get red, tender to the touch and he could get a fever but none of that happened, my boy is a trooper! 

Gavin still has a full head of hair, cooing and giggling at us, especially when he is dreaming, it's the cutest thing ever! I have people that comment when we are out and about and on facebook that he is the cutest baby and how much more hair he has than most babies...he was definitely blessed in the hair dept. I always say, 'he knew mommy was a hairstylist so he had to come out with something'. He LOVES taking baths but hates getting water in his eyes so it's easier if he takes a bath with mom or dad. He loves motion, walking around while being held of course, bouncing, swinging, riding in a car or stroller. I worry that he is getting used to the vibration feature of his bassinet and his pack n play....his crib does not have a vibration feature!! I guess I'll work all that out when the time comes! That's the perks of parenting. 

I cannot explain the amount of love I have for my son. It is different than the love I have for my husband, my brothers, my best friend....It is so powerful and so rewarding. Gavin is my world, my everything and I wouldn't change anything about him or my lil family! My husband is the best daddy he can be and I give my everything to be the best mommy I can be and we can only hope and pray that it will be enough. Being a parent is a full time job in itself and to know that a tiny human relies on us to sustain life, is a pretty big role but we attack it full force. We would die for our son, take a bullet for him to prevent him any harm. When he is in pain just from a tummy ache, I want to take that pain away from him and the love and desire to be a good mom just gets more intense every day!

We live in a pretty crazy world and to raise a well mannered, well behaved and respectful man is few and far between but we are confident we can make it happen. Eventually we will add to the family but when the time is right....God knows when that will be! For now, we will enjoy the presence of this little man and make memories that we will cherish forever!

When it Rains, it Pours!

11 days. Away from my baby, away from my husband and a horrible hospital experience.

April 26- I started having a lot of upper right abdomen pain and back pain earlier in the week. I thought it was just from feeding my 6 week old baby and hunching over and all the stress from my husband losing his job to finances, and not making money while being on maternity leave wasn't helping either. We had gone to Fricker's with my father and his fiance and her niece so they could finally meet Gavin. Had some fried foods, didn't think anything of it but the pain was gradually getting worse. I told my husband I needed to go to the emergency room, I normally don't go for just any reason so we called up Nana to come watch the baby, got her some milk ready and headed to Soin Medical Center in Beavercreek, Ohio. I was taken right in and within an hour, they had me hooked up to an IV with pain medicine and blood work drawn and an ultrasound ordered to check out my gallbladder.

Ultrasound technician came in, thankfully I wasn't enduring pain because I had morphine running through my veins. She did her thing, taking screen shots of my insides and advised she couldn't medically tell us what was wrong but said we could see what she wrote on the screen for the doctor. "Gallstones" My husband and I looked at each other and knew what that meant, surgery. He has kidney stones so he knows how I was feeling prior to coming in all too well. We waited for the doctor to come in to tell us just what we had seen but didn't expect her to do what she did.

The doctor came in and explained that my ALS and ALT (Liver enzymes) blood work was highly elevated and that I had the gallstones but she suggested that it could be hepatitis a, b or c and needed to follow up with my family doctor for additional blood work. She prescribed me roxycodone (a really strong oxycodone apparently) and zofran, told me not to have any tylenol based medicine as that could be elevating my levels and sent us on our way.

Monday, I called the family doctor and scheduled for an appointment on Tuesday to be seen. I had my prescription filled but we didn't pick it up until 1pm and I was in immense pain again. I took my medicine and felt worse. The zofran I took 30 minutes after the Roxycodone and I started feeling nauseous which is the exact opposite of what it should be doing. I explained to my husband that what I was feeling wasn't right and I wanted to go back to the hospital.

Back to Soin we went. This time we had to wait a little while before being called back but when we went, they hooked me up to an IV in my opposite arm after a failed attempt in the same vein as the day before and got me going on morphine. The doctor came in (Dr. Baily) and expressed concerns with my labs ran the day before and explained that we may have to do the surgery to remove my gallbladder but they would be admitting me to keep me comfortable and run more tests in the morning. Okay, gallbladder surgery is an outpatient thing so I was content with the answer she gave me at the time....

They took me up to my room, got me set with more pain medicine, took more vitals and expressed they would be in to get more blood but didn't say what time. I was already bummed that I had to be away from my baby but I knew my husband was capable of handling it alone, he still called his brother to come stay with him just in case he needed help.

Tuesday morning, someone was there to collect blood by about 5am. Nurse shift change was at 7am so for anyone to get any sleep in a hospital is impossible. We were told the enzyme levels were getting worse, not better so our thinking was that the doctor couldn't do anything because I needed my levels to lower and needed to get an MRI done. Dr. Baily ordered an MRI to check to see if the gallstones left the gallbladder and are in the bile duct to my liver/pancreas and if they are, she said I would need to be transferred to another hospital as they do not have the appropriate equipment to remove the stones. If they show that they are still in my gallbladder, we can do the surgery there.

The MRI test was done Tuesday afternoon, as I was in the machine that everyone is so scared of, where you have to be as still as possible and hold your breath for what feels like forever, they let me listen to music in between their orders of 'breath in, hold your breath, you can breath'. Of course, the song that comes on while i'm in there is the song that nobody can sit still to, MRI or not! 'Shake it Off' by Taylor Swift was playing and I'm supposed to lay there and not move any muscle....hahaha, that was hard!

The doctor came in and told us that the MRI showed that the stones were still in my gallbladder and she would check the blood work results for Hepatitis and as long as everything is good, surgery would be Wed or Thursday at the latest. Great, we knew surgery was a possibility but now it's a definite....this will be my fifth abdomen surgery in five years!

I was put on a NPO which is an order to make sure I do not eat or drink past midnight starting Monday night. Tuesday afternoon, Dr. Baily's partner Dr. Madison came in very quickly, checked my stomach right after I had a dose of pain medicine, pushed on my abdomen and asked if I had any pain...I said not at the moment and he said we were still waiting on more test results.

It's now Wednesday and nothing else was done, no doctor's came back in, my antibiotics stopped coming, nobody told me the results of my hepatitis results and now its the 7pm shift change and I feel left in the dark. I've already had nurses forget about me, pass off to another nurse to administer my pain meds and then they failed to bring them so I had to continuously page the call desk. The nurse the night before changed my pain meds from Morphine to Norco which is a tylenol based drug and the first doctor and Dr. Baily both said not to take anything tylenol as it could be what is irritating my liver. The nurses and assistants failed to check my urine pan and I would have to empty it myself or pee over pee, it's day 3 and nobody has changed or offered to change my bed sheets. I am so frustrated at the service I'm getting and now this.......I asked the nurse, Scott what was going on...I asked if I should have been receiving antibiotics and he looked at my chart, he said they stopped ordering the antibiotics (if I have a liver infection, shouldn't they continue an antibiotic to bring those levels down??)....I was livid!!! He said the charts showed that Dr. Madison noted I was not in any pain and it looked as though they were going to discharge me the next day. I called my husband, crying expressing that I was so frustrated at everything going on, with the staff, the doctors and now they are planning on discharging me to have me come back another day???

My husband called the nurses station and asked for someone in charge, expressed his concerns and that I have been getting horrible service and it's not like this hospital to be this way, I had my appendix removed there in 2012 and it was great service. The charge nurse came in and she told me she talked to my husband and wanted to address my concerns. I explained how upset I was with everything and the pain meds weren't working after an hour and how everything was just wrong, I'd been put through the ringer. She said she would note my account to have the surgeon Dr. come talk to me first thing in the morning and make sure my care that night was great! She made me feel a little at ease but I still had an issue that night. As a new mom, I had to breast feed and I had a male nurse, he did not knock when he came in and I had to pump a couple times which made it awkward as he entered. He was told to come without me requesting it to give me my pain meds even if I was sleeping. Around 5am, he came to give me my medicine and he asked me if I had talked to the doctor.....??? He said Dr. Madison was there at 3am to talk to another patient and didn't come in to talk to me....that just pissed me off even more.

Finally, around 8:30am on Thursday, Dr. Madison came in with his PA and needless to say we layed into him about how we've been treated and left in the dark. I told him I would like the surgery and I wanted it today! He was taken back by it but we explained that our insurance was about to expire so if he discharged us and we had to come back, it wouldn't be covered. We had a 7 week old baby at home that I needed to get back to and I'm losing supply from breast feeding along with everything else. He wasn't very sympathetic but he did say he would check out my records and see where we stood with surgery and he would let us know. A few hours later Dr. Madison came back and expressed he needed more blood work whether it be today, tomorrow, a week ( A WEEK???) He said based on everything, we would be having surgery before I left the hospital. He said he would send someone in to let us know a time. Shortly after that, a nurse told us we would be having surgery either 2:30pm or 7:30pm depending on when the OR is available.......2:30 comes along, 3:30 comes and goes, 5:30pm, someone finally comes back to explain what is happening during surgery and that I need to remove all jewelry, clothing, etc. 7pm, they came to get me for pre-op and explained that someone would come get my family or the doctor would come talk to them after to tell them how it went.

As I'm sitting in the OR prep area, the anesthesiologist explains that I need to get this gallbladder out and it needs to come out now based on my levels. I wasn't surprised..... Surgery happened and I came out of recovery quickly, talking with the nurse about infertility, the struggle it took me to have my baby and how much I missed my baby. They took me up to my room where my mother, step dad, Gavin and husband were, clueless on how everything went. The doctor never went to talk to anyone, they didn't send for anyone to come talk to the doctor so we had no idea the outcome. Thankfully I had some chicken noodle soup waiting for me, the kitchen was closed and my throat needed something warm.

The next morning (FRIDAY), Dr. Baily came in with 4 other doctor's and nurses and explained that they successfully removed the gallbladder but during the surgery she injected a dye and did an x-ray which is protocol for this surgery and saw that there were gallstones in the bile duct which she wasn't able to remove and that a GI doctor would be in to talk to me about the next steps. She said I would be going to another hospital for an ERCP procedure. Basically that is a scope procedure where they put a tube down my throat and try to grab the stones and pull them out.

The GI doctor came in and I was half way through my breakfast because I could FINALLY eat something after 4 days and she explained that I would be going to Kettering Hospital but she didn't think I could have the procedure today since I just ate!! OMG, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? If Dr. Bailey had explained to my family the night before, I would have known not to eat for this next procedure. They requested a transfer via EMS and I was so glad to be leaving that hospital away from that staff and those doctor's. Good riddance.

Friday afternoon and I'm switched over to a double room in Kettering Medical Center, ready for pain meds as I hadn't had any for about 3 hours...told them that the pain was getting worse quicker and they switched me to Dilauded every 3 hours instead of every 2. It took them 5 1/2 hours to get me pain meds because they requested the pic team to run a new IV (my other one had been in for 4 1/2 days)....I was in excruciating pain and they finally brought me meds and gave to me in my old IV. Then they saw that I had a newborn and that my husband had a hard time moving around the double room even though nobody else was in it so they moved me to a private room, thankfully. That night was interesting also to say the least. The night nurse knew I was supposed to receive my medicine on time every time and was always 20-30 minutes late. One time, I had to page her twice and she was over an hour late. I also had leg pumps on my legs through the night so I didn't clot and they started beeping. I paged the desk for someone to come help and 30 minutes later, it finally got shut off. I was truly hoping that it wasn't going to be this way the whole time I was here at another hospital. I thought maybe I was just sensitive from the other hospital but that nurse was really crappy.

Saturday, they have me scheduled for the ERCP around 2pm and my husband was in the waiting room while they did the procedure. They explained how they were going to try to remove the stones and that it was possible they would have to cut open my sphincter to reach them but they were hopeful for a successful procedure. I was put out under general anesthesia, again. I woke up in recovery to another room and everything was fuzzy but I remember them saying it didn't work and they weren't successful at getting the stones. I started balling my eyes out. My husband called my mother and requested she bring Gavin because he would be the only thing that would make me happy at this moment. By the time I came to the room, they were there about 5 minutes after I arrived. I was so upset. When I came to completely, the GI doctor came in and explained to me my options. He said I could have the procedure done again by a doctor at Good Samaritan who does this procedure more than he does or I can go to University of Indiana to a specialist who does this procedure all day long. I told him I needed to think about it and wanted to tell him on Sunday. They wanted things to calm down in me for a couple days before they did anything else as they thought maybe the inflammation or scar tissue is what blocked them from getting the stones.

My husband and I talked about it, we weighed the pros and cons and we decided to skip the middle man and just have me go to UI for a higher success rate. They offered to discharge me and have me drive there or offered to have me transferred via EMS. He suggested an EMS since I couldn't handle pain meds orally and they could help me manage my pain on an ambulance. I decided to go by EMS. Monday evening at 8pm, I was picked up by transport EMS and loaded up. I knew I wouldn't be able to see my baby because he didn't need to be in another hospital so far from home and that was the hardest thing I had to do yet. I got there around 10:30pm and was in a room by 10:45, due for pain meds again. Had to wait for the new doctor to come in and admit me, get my vitals and I felt like I was in a horror movie. Everything was outdated, I was in a double room where the bathroom was on the neighbors side, the room was so small and I could touch my neighbor if I held my hand out. I was all alone and I felt scared, sad, emotional. I was so ready for all of this to just be done.

I couldn't sleep, I'm 2 hours away from home with nobody to visit, my baby is at home with daddy which I know he was in good hands but it sucked that I couldn't be with him. My neighbor is a bigger black woman who had been there for a week...had something done with her abdomen. She had issues holding in her bowels and would get sick anytime she tried to eat or take medicine. The bathroom trash had her used depends and things they would use to clean up her vomit and I had to ask them to change the trash so I didn't have to smell it. I was on an NPO which again, meant I couldn't eat or drink anything all day Tuesday not knowing when my procedure would be scheduled. The nurse staff was great, caring, on time with my medicine and sympathetic to my pain and knowing I have a baby at home so a lot of them asked about him. I finally got smart and started video chatting with daddy and Gavin. That made things bearable. They finally came in and said I would be the last procedure of the evening and there were 3 in front of me. This was around 2pm. About 3:45 they came in and got me, took me to prep for the procedure and even though it was an outpatient procedure they said I would be staying overnight since it would be so late and they wanted to make sure I didn't get additional pancreatitis. The procedure was done around 5:30pm, was out and in recovery around 6:45pm and back in my room by 7:30pm. The kitchen was closed. I had to eat jello, pudding and ice cream and was so ready for a regular meal. I was so happy though that the procedure was a success. They said I would be discharged the following day and I was. Wednesday, my husband dropped off Gavin with Nana at 6:30am and headed out to get me. The moment he showed up, the doctors already had me discharged and the nurse was getting my discharge papers. I was so happy to be going home. I sure hope nobody ever has to deal with this, EVER!! Especially 7 weeks after having a baby.

I am so fortunate to have a husband who was able to be Mr. Mom for 11 days, a Nana to help him when he needed and for all the love and support from the people following me and my story on Facebook. I had a special childhood friend, Michelle, talking with me and consoling me every day I was there. She lives in South Carolina but I know if she was in town, she would have been there every day with me, making me laugh and there for me when I cried. It is great to have a friend like that.  I almost wish I wrote this out daily as I was in the hospital but I'm just happy it's over with and that I could spend my birthday and my first mother's day home with my family.

It's Not Work if You Love What You Do!

Two more weeks until I return from maternity leave....the positive? I at least have a job to get back to, scratch that...I have my career to get back to!!

I am a cosmetology educator and I love what I do! I have a passion for my career in cosmetology! I didn't know that's what I wanted to do when I got out of high school...I actually had gone to college for business management. I thought I would be better in a business/retail oriented position but when it came down to it, I needed something more hands on and creative.

I went to cosmetology school in 2011 part time and graduated June, 2013. Since then, I've worked at two salons; Park Layne Stylists and Salon J Ladner. Both a completely different experience but both positive! At Park Layne, I learned to work with more experienced stylists, working with clientele that is more conservative. Roller sets, perms, haircuts. At Salon J Ladner, I learned to be more creative,  more edgy with the styles I was working with and the clientele was younger. I learned so much from these salons in such short time but my true passion was to be an educator and help spread my knowledge.

When I first started, I was scared. I was nervous that I wasn't experienced enough to be able to teach people this industry but I realized it is not about how long you've done it, it's about how creative you can be to spread the knowledge as everyone learns differently. Some learn by verbal communication, some learn by visual demos, some learn by reading...it's all about how you present it and how it is taken in that sets you apart from the rest. I will admit, I still am learning different processes on how to present my lectures that will appeal to everyone but unless the students have a passion for the work too, I can't fully engage them.

My biggest struggle in this position is gaining respect from some of the students. I am a little older, same age or even younger than some of the students so that makes it hard for them to look at me as a teacher, professional or their boss. It's important to get to know how each person ticks....if your personalities clash, you will not succeed in getting their attention. They will feel as if you are 'picking on them'. Making them follow the rules is difficult but there is a fine line between becoming friends and gaining respect. I am still learning that part of the job but I have faith that I will find that happy medium.

My favorite part of my position is seeing a student 'get it'. When the light goes off and they understand how to complete their masterpiece because with cosmetology, that's what we do....art. We have visions of what and how something will look before it is completed and when the student knows how to get there, it makes me feel complete as an educator. Whether it is an advanced color such as an ombre, balayage, or even a men's haircut. The challenges in this industry are few and far between but they are there, every day! I love seeing my students overcome them.

Even though I would love nothing more than to be home with my baby every day, I am happy that I get to go back. It definitely isn't work if you love what you do!  

So you ask, What does being an educator mean to me?
A cosmetologist can change someone's day or even life just by spending a little amount of time with them. It's about growing a relationship between the student and teacher or client and stylist by listening and catering to their needs, being sincere and truly caring. It's about being able to use art and talent to help achieve a look that gives someone not only outer beauty, but confidence to help them achieve goals while you achieve yours. Being an educator means truly loving people by giving them positivity for today and a ray of hope for tomorrow! Being a hairstylist and an educator is MY passion, my career...not just a J.O.B. (Just over broke). I thrive for success and I am determined to help people look and feel beautiful inside and out and help aspired students give you that sense of beauty because loving yourself is the most important aspect of life!

Keeping the Faith

Things are great! God is good! The baby is growing, healthy, and he makes my world complete...

Gavin is a month old now, he still looks like his daddy and is starting to focus on people and things. He is everything I always wanted in a baby, pure perfection. We, as parents do everything in our power to protect and care for our babies whether it's a fur baby or a tiny human baby....We wake up and go to work knowing we have to so we can pay bills, keep the house over our head, have a car to get from point A to point B...I am a cosmetology educator and since I am only working part time, my paychecks don't do much to help with the bills but it's something. I've been off since March 13th and I'm a couple weeks away from going back to work but of course, I don't want to go....I want to spend every waking moment with my baby and watch him as he progresses in life. Who wants to spend their lives at work and miss out on their children's milestones? Although everyone needs a LITTLE separation from their kid(s), husband, house work, etc. or they will go nuts! It will be hard for me to go back though.

My husband and I are the couple who we thought did it right. We both went to college, got married, then tried for a baby, the way that we should have. We had our issues with getting pregnant but God saw us through. HE put in front of us what we could handle after so much struggle and turmoil, knowing it was OUR time to be parents. Being a parent comes with great responsibility. I have a couple friends with the same struggle and I know it will be in their cards soon, they just have to keep the faith!

My husband, and I'm sure most husbands at that, want to be great providers. They wake up and go to work knowing they have to provide for their families and sometimes it gives them a sense of pride to be able to support others, knowing it is up to them to make ends meet. I look at my husband and I know that after almost 6 years of marriage that he has been an amazing provider, trying to make sure I have everything I want. Now that Gavin is here, he only wants to work harder to be able to give him everything he wants, especially when they take their trips down the action figure isle as he gets older or trips to the comic store!

The moment our world came crashing down was the moment my husband lost his job a little over a week ago, for something that wasn't even his fault. So here we are, I'm still on maternity leave without pay, my husband jobless and three mouths to feed, bills to still be paid already on the edge of broke yet, life still goes on. What do you do at this point? The breaking point where a mom feels helpless, a dad feels like a failure.... We can get down on ourselves, beat ourselves up thinking we could never pick up the missing pieces but what is the point? Money cannot buy happiness but it does keep the roof over our head, the food in our mouth, the gas in our cars.

Filing for unemployment and searching for a job is a full time job in itself, as well as being a husband/wife and a father/mother making sure the relationship stays healthy, the house stays clean and everyone stays happy. I did what I though was best for our family, I went to job and family services. Asking for assistance through the government is probably the most embarrassing thing I have done but at the same time that's what it's there for, right? Needing food stamps and medical assistance isn't something I thought our family would ever have to endure but it is something we are fortunate to be able to request. Being a mother who breastfeeds, it's not just about me, I need more nutrition now more than I ever did before so keeping food in the house is important.

Our parents have helped in many ways also but it really hurts a man's ego that his mother is bringing meals and toiletries to help his family survive or his wives parents are giving cash so they don't get behind on bills. I know that my husband is and always will be a great provider, he is out interviewing for multiple jobs as I type this....He will not want to live off the government and watch me go back to a part time position while  he sits at home, he will hit the pavement daily, email resumes to everyone he knows and God will reward him.

I recently accepted Jesus as my lord and savior and opened myself up to know that there is a God and I know now that HE is on our side. HE will not give us more than we can handle and as long as we keep the faith it will continue to be that way. I pray every day that something great comes along for my husband, something better for our family and that we all stay above water! It's only been a little while that all this started but I know we will bounce back quickly!

The Birth of Gavin Wayne

I was nervous, yet excited at the thought of becoming a mom but I was also scared shitless! I liked kids, other people's kids but wasn't sure I knew how to take care of one...when you hold someone else's kid and they cry, you don't know how to tend to their needs right away...so thankfully you can hand them back. That isn't the case with your own child.....our lives were changing forever!!

  March 17th, 2015- I woke up, the feeling going through me was so intense. The thought that I was hours away from giving birth made me nauseous. My husband was almost worse than me...he's a very sentimental and emotional guy which are a couple reasons I fell in love with him. He was great during my pregnancy, tending to my every need and when I told him I needed a soft serve ice cream sundae, or sour patch watermelon, he was on it within minutes. I couldn't have asked for a better husband, life partner, father to my children! We both were so anxious but knew we had to eat and go on about our day since we couldn't go to the hospital to be induced until 7pm that night. We went to one of our favorite local food/ice cream stands called Arrow Queen and got some loaded nachos (It was still one of the food items I could eat since I was gestational diabetic while pregnant). We both tried to take a nap, pass the time....it wasn't happening. I suggested we go to the mall by the hospital to kill some time and try to walk some to help get this baby to come out.

At 5:30pm, we decided to head towards the Dayton Mall. We pulled in and started walking and I had what I thought was regular contractions....stomach felt tight, like a vice was squeezing my insides and pressure in my lower abdomen. Walking through the mall, I had probably 2 or 3 of these but I didn't time them as they weren't close to two minutes apart. We walked up and down almost the whole mall and I had to eat one last time because I knew I would be on a liquid diet once I got into the hospital. I requested Auntie Anne's Pretzels as my last meal before we head in....it was like heaven!!

So, here we are, pulling into Southview Maternity Hospital and parking not knowing that utter chaos was in front of us. We walked up to the check in desk and they asked what we were coming in for. Our response, "We are here to have a baby and get induced". They asked us a bunch of questions about insurance, if I had a living will, if we had a birth plan which at the time, our doctor advised against one because more than half the time, they do not turn out as planned. We were then taken to our birthing room, Suite 1....the same suite that my first nephew, Caleb was born in a little over 12 years ago. The room was HUGE, thankfully as we had anticipated quite a bit of visitors. The nurse had me empty my bladder and change into the gown. Then came the IV and she started explaining to us the process of how the night was going to go for the induction.

First, she explained that they would be checking my cervix, to see how far dilated I was and if I was effaced any more than my last appointment which was 1 1/2 and 50%. She proceeded to explain that the doctor on call starts induction with a prostaglandin gel which will ripen the cervix and help push along induction. One will be given at 8pm then another at midnight. They would then check me again to see my progression. After that, they would start the pitocin. Everything went as planned, 8pm I was dilated still at 1 1/2cm. At midnight I was dilated to 3cm. At this time, I had my husband, mother, step dad, and friend, Katie in the room and we were all tired and slap happy. I had tried to start taking a nap but my contractions were starting to get more intense and closer together, about 3-4 minutes apart. Still nowhere close to full on labor though.

At 4am, the nurse came in to check my dilation and I was still between 3-4cm and they started the pitocin, increasing it every 30 minutes. At 5:15, my water broke. That is the point when my contractions really started to increase and I was about 2 1/2-3 minutes apart and around 6:30-7pm, I expressed that I was in enough pain to request the epidural. They filled me with more fluids for about 30 minutes and sent in the anesthesiologist. At this time, my mother in law and father in law were there and they kicked everyone out of the room. They told me I had to relax (haha, I was about to get a large needle stuck in my back and I'm supposed to relax?). I had to hunch over the edge of the bed with my legs dangling off the side, nobody there to hold my hand and comfort me but the nurse that I had only known for 2 hours since the shift change....palms sweating, contractions continuing, they told me they were ready to inject the needle after they numbed me and told me I would feel a small pinch. I had to tell them to wait for the contraction to stop and then they began. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but boy was I shaking. It had almost started working immediately, the right side becoming more numb than the left but gradually becoming even.

The epidural was amazing! I couldn't feel a thing. If there was a hospital fire and I had to get up to save myself, I wouldn't have made it. Still having not eaten or slept, I was able to relax and possibly take a nap but there was just too much going on and the excitement kept me awake, let alone the nurses continued to come in every 30 minutes to increase the pitocin and the blood pressure monitor going off every 30 minutes also. The nurses then started coming in to move me, side to side, on my back, then the other side again. I asked if I could have some apple juice as I hadn't eaten and my blood sugar was a low 74. They told us they had some concerns, that the baby's heart rate was decreasing after the contraction when it is supposed to decrease when the contraction was happening. Their concern was that the cord was wrapped around his neck so they paged the doctor who was working in a c-section surgery. Our parents had stepped out for a few moments to let us rest but when they found out the news, they were told to come back in and they had given me the oxygen mask to give oxygen to the baby which scared everyone. Their daughter, wife, friend shouldn't need oxygen while going into labor so they all got very concerned and hovered. I was going to stay calm, no need to get worked up and everything was in God's hands.

My husband and I had discussed what we would do if we had to get a cesarean once before but it was very brief and to the point because we were told not to have a birth plan. We agreed that if it came to the fact that it would save me or the baby, we would do it. The doctor came in around 1:30pm, checked my cervix, I was dilated to about 7 1/2cm and 90% effaced and then advised me that she was concerned with what they were seeing on the monitor. She said we had two options, one of which would be to take me off the pitocin and try to naturally contract him but that could be another 8-10 hours or her suggestion, to have the c-section. I asked her what the risks were and she explained that the risks were greater trying naturally because we don't know what was going on while his heart rate decelerated, so we agreed to the surgery.

Within 5 minutes of agreeing to a cesarean surgery, the anesthesiologist was back in the room, the nurses were prepping my husband with a white cover up, hat, booties and gave me the blue hat. I had to take a shot of a fluid antacid that tasted like a grape sour warhead. About 10 minutes later they were wheeling me to my surgery room. My husband freaking out, was asked where his phone was, he thought he couldn't bring it into the sterile room, the nurse told him to go get it as he was about to have a baby!!! I still had my composure but deep down I was scared for my babies life as well as mine but I knew I had the mercy of my doctor and God so it would all be okay!!

The doctor's had me cut open on the table when they brought my husband in. He said he saw 6 doctors, hovering over me and the nurse could tell he was about to pass out so she told him to look over to the right and follow the line on the floor to his chair next to me, behind the curtain. I was so happy to see him....this was the point where I was scared and needed him. I could feel the doctors pulling and tugging at my insides, the pressure of them moving my baby around inside of me. THE MOST AWKWARD FEELING IN THE WORLD! We were sitting for probably 2 minutes, then we hear the doctor say she saw the baby's head, and 30 seconds later we heard him...the gasping air of my baby boy and the first cry. My husband and I looked at each other in the eyes and started crying. Even though we didn't see him the second he came out, we knew he was beautiful, no matter what! He was then taken for his assessment tests.

The nurses took our baby over to the scale, 7lbs 1oz, then measured him, 20 inches long. They asked my husband to cut the cord but he has a weak stomach and refused. He will do it for future children since he now knows what to expect! Gavin was then checked for the APGAR test which checks the baby's heart rate, breathing, muscle tone, reflex response, and color. 10 being perfect (no baby is ever scored perfect), Gavin was mostly 9's and a couple 8's on the ratings. We had delivered a perfect baby boy at 2:07pm!

An hour after surgery, I was sent to recovery where I could hold my baby for the first time! I was in complete bliss, filled with the most love I've ever had for anyone in my life. Extremely exhausted, I reached out for Gavin and ready to do what mothers do best, nurture and protect! The lactation consultant was there in the recovery room with me to help me get him to latch on for breastfeeding. All I wanted to do was cuddle and take it all in but he needed me, he needed me to feed him. Finally after about an hour, he had latched on enough to eat for his cherry size belly and we were being moved to the newborn room where we would be the next two and a half days.

Nurse after nurse, shift after shift, they were all so great with helping us get settled in and feeling comfortable. Gavin slept majority of the time but wanted to eat every two hours. I would admire him for hours, when we didn't have visitors. He must have had over 20 people come to see him while we were there. He is one loved boy already and exactly a month after he's been born, he is still having people come to see him and bring him goodies!

I love him with every inch of my body and cannot wait to see him grow, but hopefully not too fast! I stare at his pretty deep blue eyes that he got from daddy, the tiny button nose and heart shaped lips he got from me. The LONG golden blonde hair and his long, luscious lashes always astonishes me. His perfect 10 fingers and 10 toes, and the fuzz hair on his shoulders and ears that one day, will turn to a young man's innocence. I know every inch of my son's anatomy and it continues to change so as a mother who struggled to get here, I will cherish and admire every single moment I have with him!

Here he is, one month old....

Baking a Baby with the Fowler's

July 20th, 2014...The day that changed my life! A positive pregnancy test! 

After 3 long hard years of trying, we finally were starting a family! My husband and I went straight to our parents as soon as those test lines showed up. They were elated! My husband's parents would be first time grandparents and my parents, well not their first but their first with me, their only baby girl!!

The next day, I took another pregnancy test just to confirm that it was indeed positive, which it was. I then called the OBGYN to schedule our first appointment. I must have been about 3-4 weeks along but the doctor I requested wasn't available for two weeks. Those two weeks were the longest of my life!

We arrived at our appointment, nervous and excited. The receptionist sent me to pee in a cup after I filled out all the necessary paperwork and the wait seemed like forever. The nurse came out and called my name, took my vitals and took my husband and I to the exam room. We waited at least 20 minutes then Dr. Peterson finally came in and her first words were, "So, you went and got yourself knocked up, huh?" Haha. She told us what to expect, asked my last cycle day and told us our estimated due date would be March 24, 2015. Then she had ordered our first trimester ultrasound. SO EXCITING!

The perinatal associates representative called me to schedule the ultrasound and when we went in, they advised it was too early because I was only at 7 weeks gestational (Nurse error when placing the order). They weren't able to check anything but we still got to see our baby for the first time. He was a small blob, but a beautiful blob! We rescheduled for the correct date and was then able to see the blob more as an outline of a baby and then we saw the heartbeat! Our hearts fluttered with joy! They drew my blood to check for these tests that I had no idea what the tests meant but it was to check for certain diseases: trisomies 21 (Down syndrome), 18 (Edward's syndrome), & 13 (Patau syndrome).  

I was called around 10 weeks with the results and was told I had a low risk for all of the syndrome's but had low PAPPA-A results....WHAT THE HECK IS THAT? We then did what every parent should not do and turned to google.
Pregnancy-associated plasma protein A- Low levels may alternatively predict issues with the placenta, resulting in adverse complications such as intrauterine growth restriction, preeclampsia, placental abruption, premature birth, or fetal death. DEATH? So we were needless to say freaked out!

At our next appointment, the doctor told us we had nothing to worry about and that it was just a pre-caution but we would essentially get to see more ultrasounds than other pregnant women. Once every four weeks once I hit 20 weeks. Her tone and expertise set us at ease.

August came around, we were a little over 10 weeks. We know you should wait 12 weeks before announcing your pregnancy but if you know me, you'll know that I am very impatient and begged to tell the world. We headed to Chicago for our annual comic-con trip and stayed with my Uncle BJ. We had to make our announcement a big deal since we had struggled getting pregnant so I suggested a photo op! My husband is a HUGE Marvel comic fan and what better opportunity than to meet the creator of Marvel and Spider-Man?!? Stan Lee, 91 years old and we got our picture taken with a sign and onsie announcing that a Spider-Baby was joining us in March 2015! It was awesome meeting such a legend and the announcement was a hit! Our next announcement wasn't as exciting but we were able to announce we were having a boy at 20 weeks!!

 The second trimester was bittersweet! We were able to start receiving more ultrasounds to see our beautiful baby grow and even got a 3D/4D ultrasound at 28 weeks. We were able to see features of how he would look and it was the neatest thing we had ever seen! During this trimester, I had to take the glucose blood sugar test to see if I had gestational diabetes....If you've never taken this test, it is a sugar water drink you have to take at the doctor's office and wait an hour (sometimes two) and they draw your blood to check your sugar levels. Mine were at 199 and should have been between 90-120. At 200, they automatically diagnose you with gestational diabetes and just skipped a second test for me since I was so close.

I had to change my diet completely. Carbs were essentially non existent and I had to be a label reader for the rest of the pregnancy. I was only allowed 35-40g of Carbs for breakfast, lunch and dinner and 15g of carbs for a snack 3 times a day. I had to not only change my diet but my way of eating also. I had to check my sugar with a glucose meter 4 times a day; as soon as I woke up and an hour after each meal as well as keep a food diary of everything I ate.
It sucked but I had to do what I could to make sure my baby came out healthy! Their concern with gestational diabetes is that the body does not break down the insulin like it should and everything I ate would be going to the baby, resulting in a large baby at delivery, low blood sugar in the baby and/or risk of jaundice. I sucked it up and did the diet. Thankfully it kept me from every pregnant woman's mind set of 'Oh, I'm pregnant so I can eat whatever I want because I'm eating for two'. I only gained 24lbs with my pregnancy and 9lbs of that was added the last month.

 January 11th, 2015 a baby shower was thrown for me by my mother, Jeani and best friend, Katie. We didn't have a baby name picked out yet but since we knew it was a boy, we had to think of a theme for the party. His nursery was made up in Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story so what better theme than just that for the baby shower? Everything was perfect, the decorations, food, friends and family that came! I couldn't have asked for a better shower. Katie also did me a favor and did some maternity shots for me! She was a great friend through this process of getting pregnant and helping out while pregnant! She also helped paint the nursery when I couldn't! Thank you, Katie Bug!!

We finally decided on a name, Gavin Wayne. My father-in-law's name is Wayne and my husband's middle name is Wayne so we decided to carry on the name and I've always loved the name Gavin, even before I got pregnant!! His nursery was coming together, his baby wardrobe was multiplying by the minute, our house was getting full of baby items and as it got closer, I got more excited and anxious to meet our baby boy!

We were 2 weeks out from our due date and I went in to be checked once a week at that point. I was dilated to a 1-1 1/2 and 50% effaced.The doctor advised since I had gestational diabetes that we could induce at 39 weeks, me being impatient like I am, I agreed. We scheduled the induction for March 17th at 7pm. Possibly a St. Pattys day baby?? I had been working hard to try to get him to come early by using a medicine ball, walking, etc but he wanted to stay in. I wasn't miserable since I hadn't gained that much weight and barely had braxton hicks contractions except for the last week. During that week, we were on edge...felt like he dropped and I could have him any minute but he held out. My husband made me put a shower liner under my sheet in case my water broke (how embarrassing, sounding like I was sleeping in a toddler's bed). I worked up until the Thursday before I delivered and that weekend was just relaxing, getting final touches done to the house before Gavin's arrival. On Tuesday, March 17th at 6:45pm, we walked into Southview Maternity center and it all had just begun!My life was about to change, FOREVER! <3

How I beat Infertility!

7lbs 1 oz, 20 inches long born into this world at 2:07pm on March 18, 2015-Gavin Wayne. My world. My life. My Everything.

My name is Brittany and I am going to tell you my journey of becoming a mother. 27 years old, married for 5 years and my lifelong dream of being a mother finally came true after many struggles and road blocks. My husband and I decided we were ready to proactively start a family towards the end of 2011 but my periods were never regular. Early 2013, I decided to visit the OBGYN to see if my lady parts were working properly to get started since nothing was happening. It was a few weeks after the initial appointment that made our world come crumbling down upon us. We were told it would be nearly impossible for me to have children....

The doctor ordered a hysterosalpingogram or HSG test which is an X-ray test that looks at the inside of the uterus and fallopian tubes and the area around them. During a hysterosalpingogram, a dye is put through a thin tube that is put through the 'girl part' and into the uterus. Because the uterus and the fallopian tubes are hooked together, the dye will flow into the fallopian tubes, if all goes according to plan.
Unfortunately, the dye test was inconclusive for me, showing that I had some blockage on one fallopian tube and completely blocked on the other. We were then referred to a reproductive endocrinologist and given a low percentage rate that it would even be possible for us to conceive. This was just the beginning for us.

I was in cosmetology school at the time all of this is going on and during one of my breaks in between clients, I called the Institute for Reproductive Health in Cincinnati, Ohio and scheduled my first appointment. Scared, nervous, anxious, driving 45 minutes away from home, we went to our first appointment with Dr. Burwinkle. He was a friendly family man that was easy to talk to and understand. He had received my results from the HSG test and explained to us that the options we had were limited but it would be hard to know for sure until he opened me up to see what was really going on with the blockage! SURGERY? I had a laparoscopy back in 2010 and during that surgery, they found scar tissue build up which caused excruciating pain in my abdomen but I was never told anything else was wrong. At least I knew what to prepare for with this type of exploratory surgery.

The doctor wanted to review my results from post op reports from my past surgeries (laparoscopy-2010 and appendectomy-2012) to see the extent of the previous scar tissue and damage and told us about the intent to look at my tubes with another laparoscopy surgery. He said my fallopian tubes may be too damaged to fix and may have to remove one of them because when they are blocked like the test showed, they hold a toxin that can be released to my uterus which is dangerous. We were told IVF was going to be likely in our situation. OMG, that is like a minimum $8,000!! He also told me I have polycystic ovarian syndrome and could see follicles on my ovaries from an internal ultrasound.What the heck was that? We felt defeated but continued to pray and hope for the best.

Okay, so surgery. We were ready to find out if we could repair or unblock my tubes but first, my husband had to get checked to make sure his swimmers were swimming! I can only imagine how awkward that is for a guy to go into an office (mainly of women receptionists and nurses) to say they have to jerk off into a cup!! Haha. Everything came back normal, in fact, his swimmers were strong! Although we were referred to an endocrinologist, my husband still wanted a second opinion. We met with Dr. Peterson which was quick and to the point. Her advice was to go ahead with the surgery.

August 22, 2013- Surgery results were a little different than we had expected! Doctor explained to my husband that my tubes were completely open...he said I had endometriosis which 'ate away' a large portion of my internal walls and caused my right ovary to fall into a 'pocket' which is very, very rare. He put it back where it was supposed to be and removed what endometriosis and scar tissue he could find. He expressed that we should be good to start trying with some success after I fully recovered! The doctor still advised that he wanted me to take fertility meds because of the Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I had to do more research on this condition! Turned out, I needed to be more concerned about PCOS than anything else because it was one of the leading causes of infertility and 1 in 10 women have this incurable condition.

September through January we tried Clomid, the fertility medicine that causes the pituitary gland to release hormones needed to stimulate ovulation....nothing happened. We then started adding Femara to help with estrogen levels and added a "trigger shot" or Ovidrel which was a $200 shot I had to inject into my thigh or lower abdomen. Let me tell you, giving yourself a shot is not fun and I feel for diabetics. The shot was injected to stimulate the release of an egg during ovulation. I would go back to the office once a month, still driving 45 minutes, to get internal ultrasounds to check if my ovaries were close to dropping an egg for ovulation and was advised on timed intercourse. Have you ever been told when to have sex? It is a stressful chore that minimizes the males performance due to being under pressure. Between having to be on a schedule and the hormones running through me, I was an emotional wreck and so drained from trying and trying. I am not a patient person when I want something and this was just not happening fast enough for me! I felt defeated. Of course, everyone who knows you're trying for a baby will tell you to relax, it will happen when it's meant to be, etc. NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR THAT WHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING SO BAD!!

My husband and I decided in March of 2014 to stop everything....So there we were, letting go the stress from spending money on medicine, trying to have sex on a time frame, emotionally and physically exhausted and less hormonal, we just lived our lives. It also took a toll on our relationship so we needed to get back to square one and focus on being husband and wife.

July 20th, 2014 at 5:20pm I decided to take a pregnancy test because I was late (I had been pretty regular since my surgery). POSITIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!+++++++++ I screamed "OH MY GOSH" my husband was in the other room and we had just got back from playing sand volleyball. He asked what was wrong and came into the bathroom. I showed him the test and he asked what it meant...I told him we were pregnant and it was the best day of my life, hard to believe and took awhile for it to sink in.

If you, or someone you know, are also dealing with any of these issues, please know that God works in mysterious ways and will make miracles happen when they are needed! God sure blessed me with a loving husband, a healthy baby and friends and family that have been so supportive during our troubled times. A big THANK YOU to everyone who helped support us and the outcome was well worth the struggle.